An Uncomfortable Silence
I’m amazed at my current situation. I’ve been talking to a guy for over a month and yet I feel like I still don’t have a good sense of who he is. I believe this has a lot to do with our lack of verbal communication. Everything else seems to be in line, but having conversations with each other is often like pulling teeth. It’s not that the conversations are bad, it’s that they aren’t frequent enough and when we do talk, it’s about basic things, nothing of real substance.
I’ve spent hours with this guy and sometimes I won’t say more than 3o words. But sometimes it’s moments where nothing needs to be said. I’m comfortable cuddling watching tv and enjoying the moment. But my issue is when the show is over, now what? He seems to be laid back and that’s cool, but maybe he’s a little too laid back. This is really weird to me because honestly I’m not always a verbal person. I tend to internalize a lot of things and just observe, but at some point I need to be able to know that we’re capable of having a meaningful conversation. I actually want to open up to this guy, but I wish he would meet me half way!
This makes me wonder if maybe it was all just a physical attraction. Because physical attraction; we’re pretty much good on. He’s a very affectionate person and this is something that attracts me to him. But at the end of the day, physical attraction can’t keep me interested. But part of me believes this is how he mainly expresses himself as well. There are things he may not say verbally but his body lanuage gives him away everytime. However the lack of verbal communication is going to keep me fustrated. Some days we talk and the conversation flows really well, but other days things seem forced or static. If we’re considering working towards an actual relationship where is the real substance if we can’t properly communicate?
I know that communication is a two way street, but I guess it doesn’t help that I’m the type of person that has to be mentally intrigued to get the conversation going. I’m not usually the conversation starter, but around the right person I easily get going. I also beleive that maybe our lack in communication could also be due to the fact that we’re both genuinely quiet people and also neither one of us is very good at opening up to others. See my problem?
But I’ve decided that one of us has to be bold and I’m volunteering myself. This is my opporutnity to try and really improve upon my verbal communication. It’s always been a problem I’ve had, especially with relationships. I’m trying to stay hopeful because luckily it’s a minor problem that can be fixed. And I’m also hoping that it kind of works itself out with more time. One would think the more time you spend with someone the more likely you are to open up to them. I understand those things take time, so part of it is having patience as well. It’s only been a little over a month so at this point, anything could happen. It’s still kind of early and everyone is different in how they warm up to people. I’m not expecting him to spill his whole life story to me within the next few weeks, but I do want him to be able to talk to me about something of substance, and vice versa for myself.