Not that Kind of Girl: The Girl with Low Self-Esteem

Too often there are young women who lack confidence in who they are. To truly know who you are, you have to realize that true confidence comes from God. Discovering your purpose and who you are in God builds your confidence and your character.

Most young ladies make the mistake of basing their self-esteem on how many friends they have, how many guys like them, what kind of car they drive and how much money they make. This is only a small portion of a larger list that some young ladies use to build their self-esteem. The bad thing about this is when you take away all the extra materialistic items and the people who may be around to compliment you, then what are you really left with?

When you build your self-confidence in God, it can’t be taken away. God will place things in your heart that the world will never be able to touch. Self-confidence from God allows God to fill in all the missing gaps so that you can be made whole again.  Usually, low self-esteem comes from not feeling like you’re complete and there’s a lack of something in your life. Many people waste time trying to fill this void on their own when what they’re really lacking is God. If we simply base our self-esteem on things of the world, then it can only be temporary. But confidence found in God is much deeper with a greater purpose. Anyone can give a cheap compliment, but it takes true love from God to really know who you are and the purpose He created you.

Psalm18: 2, 29-32 “Know Your Power through God!”

Background scripture: Psalm 18:1-32

* (These scriptures come from an amplified study bible)

2 The Lord is my Rock, my Fortress, and my Deliever; my God, my keen and firm strength whom I will trust and take refuge, my Sheild, and my Horn of my salvation, my High Tower 

29 For by you I can run through a troop, and by my God I can leap over a wall

30 As for God, His way is perfect! The word of the Lord is tested and tried; He is a shield to all those who take refuge and put their trust in Him.

31 For who is God except the Lord? Or who is the Rock save our God?

32 The God who girds me with strength and makes my way perfect?

The reason we fail to have high self-esteem is because most of the time we don’t realize or understand just how powerful God really is. In this passage David describes how he had confidence to stand against his enemies because he knew his strength lied in God’s hands. He had enough confidence in God to know, that God wouldn’t allow him to fail.

If more women were conscious of the power they could have through a relationship with God, then they wouldn’t have low self-esteem. Self-esteem can increase once you acknowledge that your power comes from God. God never fails, so it’s something you can stand firm on and trust. Not being confident means you doubt the power that God has placed in you.

Psalm37:3 “Confidence equals trust

Background scripture: Pslam37:1-6

3 Trust (lean on, rely on and be confident) in the Lord and do good; so shall you dwell in the land and feed surely on His faithfulness, and truly you shall be fed.

Another way to define “confidence” is putting your trust in God and having faith that he knows what’s best for your life. When I say that true confidence is found in God,  I mean it’s built upon the idea of trusting his guidance for your life. When we put our self-confidence in things of the world, we’re leaving our lives up to an unstable fate. God is always consistent. When you build your self-esteem up in God, then you’re able to see things in a whole new manner. You face things with a new confidence (attitude), knowing God won’t allow you to fail. God has put something in you, so that through you, he’s able to get the glory.

Psalm57:1, 7 “Allow God to Define you”

Background scripture: Psalm57:1-11

1 Be merciful and gracious to me, O God, be merciful and gracious to me, for my soul takes refuge and finds shelter and confidence in you; yes in the shadow of Your wings will I take refuge and be confident until calamities and destructive storms are passed.

7 My heart is fixed O God, my heart is steadfast and confident! I will sing and make melody.

When you’ve truly found self-esteem in God is when you trust God to be the one to build you up and keep you. Allow God to define who you are. You can’t rely on things of the world to give you true self-esteem. You are who you are, because God said so. We’re often disappointed in who were are because we were relying on the world to tell us something to cover up our own dysfunction. But by allowing God to build you up, it doesn’t cover the dysfunction, it gets rid of it. 

There’s a healing in trusting God to make you the woman He wants you to be. Finding self-confidence in God means knowing your worth as a woman. It means you allow God to create the standards for your life.  You won’t be able to understand your value as a woman until you have a relationship with God. Building your confidence in God says that He sees you as an investment and He’s willing to poor the proper love and care into your heart to make you whole as the woman He wants you to be.

Self confidence is found in what makes you, you.  It’s about the qualities  that you take pride in or the things you feel make you stand out among others.  Having true self-esteem in God means knowing that he set you apart as a Christian for a greater purpose.

Hebrews 10: 35 “Confidence is rewarding”

35 Do not therefore, fling away your fearless confidence, for it carries a great and glorious  compensation of reward.

Confidence in God is rewarding on so many levels.  It’s a reward you must experience for yourself to truly understand and appreciate the woman who God has created you to be. When you know that your self-esteem is anchored in God, then nothing can shake that foundation. No one will be able to tell you differently. True self-confidence in God brings about a joy in knowing you’re following His standards to become the best woman you can be.  The true reward is allowing God to make you. God isn’t trying to make you a “better” woman, but a “different” woman, set apart.

While we’re so busy searching for acceptance and approval from the world, we don’t realize nothing in this world can save our souls on our dying day. In turn, we should be seeking approval from God to make sure he’s happy with the decisions we’re making in our life.

Application: Make a list of 5-10 things you consider to be important in your life when it comes to defining who you are. Think about where your own self-esteem and confidence comes from. Evaluate your list and determine how many of these items are materialistic or things that can easily be taken away.  If majority of your list consist of materialistic-based items then take this time to evaluate who or what it is that you’re basing your self-esteem on.