Open your mouth!!!

The Lord is truly challenging me on another whole level. When it comes to words, I’m pretty good with saying the right thing and making people feel  my emotions and understand my point….ON PAPER!

As good of a writer as I am, my verbal communication sucks. This is nothing new to me, when I speak in front of crowds I get nervous really easy. My voice shakes and I start to sweat. Over the year it’s gotten better, but public speaking isn’t my gift. I’ve always been timid when speaking and I tend to keep things to myself.  But  truly God has come to challenge that.

It’s one thing to be able to deliver God’s word through text, on paper and blogging. But it’s another thing when you open your mouth and speak to people. Words are spirit, so what you’re saying is feeding their spirit. Sometimes it’s not enough to just write something on paper and pray that God’s word reaches someone, sometimes you have to open your mouth and speak to the person’s spirit verbally, i.e praying out loud.

Ok, I confess…God is getting on me, but I have a fear of praying out loud for people. I get really self-conscious and unsure of what I’m supposed to be saying.  In the back of my mind I always wonder how much “power” can my words really have on a person?  Tonight in church we had to pray for the person sitting next to us, out loud with our eyes open and looking at them. Man, this thing really threw me off.

I was caught off guard. Of course I prayed for my neighbors, but honestly I wasn’t confident in what I was saying. In the back of my mind I was doubting the very words God was giving me to speak. And as it’s happening, I feel God jacking me up, like…”I know you can pray better than this. Why are you doubting me right now?”

When I came home tonight, I had to pray again and ask God to help me rebuke this spirit of fear I have for openly praying for others. I can pray a silent prayer for someone all day. But it’s like, praying out loud challenges me on another level. And I heard God telling me, that when he tells me to open my mouth, he means for me to open my mouth and do it with confidence in his Word and truth. Confidence that the words are coming from him and that they serve a greater purpose beyond my own self consciousness.

I have to understand that it’s not about me, but that God is sending a word for the other person’s spirit to receive and if I’m scared to open my mouth and do what God says, then that person is missing out because of me! And I don’t want to be the reason someone misses their shift in God. (This takes me back to a scripture in Numbers 23 where Baalm couldn’t curse the people of Israel because God has put it in his mouth to bless them instead!)

God is also telling me that I need to up my personal prayer life. Prayer takes practice and I don’t do it enough on my own when I’m alone with God. It’s not always enough in my mind to say silent prayers, but I need to open my mouth to put things in the atmosphere and set the tone of my environment. There are some things I need to open my mouth and declare before the devil that he will not get the victory.

Praying out loud has always been a challenging area for me. It requires coming outside of your comfort zone, and that can be difficult. Truly this is crazy because tonight’s word was on the spirit of fear and not allowing it to burn out of flame of passion for God and his works.  (2Timothy 1:5-7) At first I thought it was about my gift of writing and the project that I’ve been trying to put together. I haven’t been as into it lately, I’ve become relaxed because I haven’t been hearing anything from God. Part of me has become frustrated because I almost feel stagnant with this project. But at the end when the message was over and we had to pray out loud for each other, then it hit home.

It’s funny how we’ll think God is tapping on one thing and he may be, but ultimately he’s trying to get you to see a bigger picture. You may think it’s something small, until God shows it to you through his eyes. It’s crazy how God works, because tonight’s message bought confirmation on a few other things in my life. I love when the service isn’t necessarily a “high praise” service, but the word is still rich. My pastor has been talking about divine shifts and the minister tonight mentioned shifts and during praise and worship before the word I prayed about a shift. God is piecing some stuff together, I don’t know what it is, but I’m willing to hold on to Him and trust him for his guidance and he’ll do the rest.


RLCM: “A Godly sorrow”

This past Sunday my Pastor preached a message about “Godly sorrow” that has been ringing loud in my ear the last few days. The scripture for his message was 2Corinthians7:6-10. The key verses being 9-10. There were a lot of key points my Pastor hit upon during his message, but for me there were two that have stood out in particular and they’ve truly caused me to question my own character in that area.

One thing my Pastor mentioned was that when we sin a lot of people can feel “sorry” for what they did. However, feeling sorry doesn’t equal a change. Just because someone feels sorry it doesn’t change their mind about what they did, it doesn’t mean their attitude about the situation has changed.  There’s a difference between feeling sorry, and then feeling sorry enough to change your attitude and your mindset so that it’s in alignment with what God has said. (Verse 9-10 talk about being sorry enough to repent; changing of the mind.)

Also he talked about a reckoning with the truth and how much truth we’ll overlook to do our dirt. How we’ll blatantly ignore the truth God is trying to give us, how good God has been to us (through our craziness and misbehavior) and we’ll just continue to go on and do our own thing. We overlook all the blessings God has given us undeserving just to do our dirt.

Of course after hearing this I did  a self-evaluation and was like, Lord you are hitting home with me. For one the whole idea of feeling sorry really stuck with me. I know that I’ve done my dirt and it’s like I always say Lord I’m sorry for what I did, but the truth was my mindset never changed about certain things.  I knew it was wrong but something in me still wanted to take part in it regardless. It’s like I would feel sorry long enough to be like I need to do better, but never take the actions needed to do better. This is where the Godly sorrow comes in.  Some situations I’ve been in and God took me through and he got a for sure yes in that area. I repented and my mind has changed and it’s just like I’m over it. But in other areas, I know I still struggle.

I recently had a situation where I went back and messed around with someone I know God has told me not to be with. And after all was said and done, I came home and prayed for like 20 minutes or so. And I felt sorry and I wanted to change and I know that if I were to go back again consequences would follow that I wouldn’t be able to come out of so easily or so “clean” so to speak. And at that time I genuinely thought I had repented. I had never asked God to forgive me that quick, right after. Normally I just brush it off and a few days later I’m like “okay God I was wrong…” But this time was different.

However this week, I realized I felt more sorry about the consequences of having a baby, or catching a STD than the fact that God said it was wrong and that should be my number one reason. It’s like am I “sorry” because I just don’t want God to punish me or am I truly sorry because I’ve changed my mindset and I need to get in alignment with him and how he sees the situation. In hearing this word it made me think that I have to see the situation beyond the right now or the immediate consequences, but how ultimately in the long run, it could be putting my salvation in harm.

My Pastor also mentioned “Don’t let the devil steal your conviction.” It’s like sometimes we sin and get so comfortable we stop asking God to forgive us and we stop even feeling “hints” of sorry. The conviction that we get as Christians isn’t meant to make us feel “condemned” it’s meant for change. It’s a challenge from God saying he expects more of us because of what he’s already put in us. He’s given us the ability to do better, so ultimately we shouldn’t have an excuse. I know this has happened to me personally. I’ve gotten so caught up in my sin, that I forget about trying to repent. I just shrug things off and continue until God will come interrupt and snatch me up. If we really thought about times we’ve gotten away from God and what it took to get us back in relationship with him, then we wouldn’t let him go so easily during our next trial. Especially if we understand the value of sweet peace with him!

Now when my Pastor talked about how much truth we ignore to do our dirt, all I could do was say wow! For me, things really clicked with me in 2009. Granted I’ve taken a few trips here and there, I’m not perfect. But in taking those trips, it was hard to sit there go to my church where the truth stays in your face and on your tail, then go and do my own thing. At times I found myself loosing my mind because I was playing with God. It was like God wouldn’t allow my mind to settle, it was just all over the place and for months I was mentally unstable. It was like no matter how much truth I was being fed, I tried to ignore it like God wasn’t talking to me. But even so, when you’re a child of God, you can only hide for so long before he comes after you. And sometimes the truth isn’t God throwing his word in your face, it’s as simple as blessing you despite the fact that you’re in our mess and  undeserving.

It really boils down to how much love and mercy does God have to show you in order for you to understand that he cares about you? What does it take for you to see how serious God is about his relationship with you? When my Pastor asked these questions it made me realize how selfish we can all be; even as Christians. (We’re not perfect by far) I feel like all this time I’ve been taking God’s blessings and receiving his mercy, but now it’s time to return the unmerited favor and serve him for what he’s done.

He struck a NERVE!

My dad and I have many interesting conversations. A lot of the times, it can get intense and we go back and forth. One of the conversations we have often is about the process of Greek life. What it takes to be in a frat or sorority.

For those who don’t know I’m part of a community service group called Krimson Kourts Inc. But technically we’re an auxiliary up under the fraternity Kappa Alpha Psi. If you do your research the basic history comes up on google. We’re not “Greek” per say, but if you ask me, we went just as hard if not harder, than some of the official Greek sororities. In saying all that, they didn’t just let anyone in the group by all means.

After almost 2 years in KKI,  I slowly realized that it wasn’t for me. For multiple reasons. (Reasons I won’t really go into at this time.) But more than anything the biggest reason was because in being part of that group,  I couldn’t serve God how I wanted. I felt like I was being tugged in both directions and something had to give. (Now keep in mind, this experience can differ from person to person and by no means am I condemning being part of a frat or sorority etc. Some people’s relationship with God still remains healthy after they’ve become a part of the frat or sorority. Just know it’s not for everyone..TRUST ME!)

So basically I became inactive. (Meaning I removed myself from the group as an active member who  currently participates  with the remaining members.) By becoming inactive, it’s not that I’ve “denounced” my “sisters” or what I went through to earn my “membership” ( so to speak), it’s just that I’ve outgrown what KKI is about for me, or what I thought it was about.

Anywho, there’s a whole lot of details I’m missing and it’s hard to explain, but basically my dad has been pressing me for months now to basically write about my experiences and expose how “wrong” becoming part of KKI was. And I put “wrong” in quotes because that’s his opinion of my experience. I on the other hand, think my experience turned out for the best. Granted there may have been a few lessons I learned the hard way, but I’m a better person for it now. And God did use the experience to push me closer to Him where I should’ve been the whole time. “All things work for the greater good” it’s in the Bible right?

For anyone who’s ever been part of a frat or sorority or even have an understanding of Greek life, everyone knows that from the outside looking in, people just DON’T get it. You’ll never be able to explain it to them because you can’t say too much and then even if you could, they still wouldn’t grasp it unless they’d been through the exact same thing.

So my dad really struck a nerve because he acts as if I should just expose what I went through to “save other innocent” people who might want to become part of Greek life. CLEARLY this isn’t my place. No one really gave me the heads up, I just went in and learned. Trial and’s called LIFE!

I think what irritated me most was that he tried to make it seem like I was the victim. When I’m not. No one forced me to do anything I didn’t want to do at the time. I could’ve easily walked away, TRUST ME. But I chose to stay and what happened after that is history. And also he kept throwing in religion, which I get…but it’s still not an easy topic to just openly discuss.

I feel like if my dad has such an interest in the process of becoming Greek, then he should have went through a process himself. Then the conversation we had might have went a LOT different. And even though I’ve been an inactive member since February, it’s still a touchy subject for me. Like it’s not something I want to talk about like that. It was a different chapter of my life. And like I said the experience is different for everyone. Some people have good experiences and I just happen to have one that didn’t go so good.

I had fun while it lasted, but after a while I just saw things in a different light. But it doesn’t mean I’m about to go condemn the rest of the members left. I think I’ve probably said too much already. Half of my readers aren’t even college age so the whole idea about going Greek may go over your head.

I’m sure this won’t be the last post about “Greek life” from me. At some point I did wish to share some of my experience, but I don’t intend to do an expose’ by any means. (I’m not crazy enough by far!) Whenever I do decide to share, the details will be minimal, and it’ll be more so about me learning more about myself as a person as opposed to what actually went on at that time…

okay..I’m starting to ramble and it’s definitely the wee hours of the morning. Hope I haven’t said too much and that maybe someone who’s part of Greek life can understand me. And by Greek life I’m referring to the divine 9 frats and sororities of NPHC. (At least in this case I am)

Just simply put, my lips are sealed and if you really wanna know, then be bold enough to take a walk on the other side; if you’re THAT curious.

Freedom in Worship

I believe in a few previous posts, I may have mentioned that there’s a certain freedom I’ve began to find in worshipping God. Having an unbroken fellowship with God, begins with simple praise and worship. Being able to simply enjoy God for who he is: Loving, faithful, kind, forgiving and much more.

Tonight at my church’s bible study services, I truly experienced a new level in praise and worship. The first time I began going to church on my own, I was very hesitant in my initial praise and worship. I barely lifted my hands, I didn’t really allow myself to let loose in God and enjoy praising with Him. I was thinking about what others would think of me.

However, back in 2009 or early 2010, I remember I started to feel more at ease with my worship. I wasn’t as shy or self-conscious in praising God and just  began enjoying his presence and allowing him to speak and pour into me through my worship. It was at this point, I’ll never forget, I experienced a praise dance where I let the Holy Spirit just take me. I was at the altar and it was like something got in my feet and I just let go. It was through that praise dance a lot of things in my life shifted for the better at that point.

It was during this time I was going through a transition of trying to let go of a stronghold in my life with a certain dude. I had gotten emotionally attached to someone that God had told me wasn’t meant for me. ( I’ve talked about this situation when I started blogging intially in 2009-2010.) Anywho, I hadn’t had a praise dance like that since; until tonight.

The service got really high, my pastor even said that what he did preach was not his intended message so he knew the Holy Spirit was moving. When I tell you something took me over and I let loose! The Holy Spirit took me over and all I could say was “God you are faithful” I’ve never praised God like this before ever, but it felt awesome. I found freedom in allowing God to take me and open my spirit up to pour into me.

And even though my Pastor spoke on miracles happening, I just praised God for who he is and all that he’s been to me. Even if I don’t come back with a testimony of anything miraculous, I just know that God is moving things in my life. I’ve seen growth in my relationship with him in the last month or so and that in itself is great.

Currently I am going through a financial strain, but slowly God has been opening doors and I know that he’s been faithful. I’m not perfect, but I know I’m not the same person I was in January, truly there’s been some kind of turn around in me. I know that God is working on me and I know he’s trying to take me to a new level. But the key is to hold on a little longer through the tight spot and trust Him, because he’s faithful, ALWAYS.

The great part in the worship is that in the praise I know that God is already making a way. He’s opening doors and setting things in place. I may never know or see the “behind the scenes”, but when the time comes, God has already gone before me and made a way. I simply praise God for where he’s brought me from and how even in tight times now, he’s still making sure my needs are met. I may not be getting everything I want, it may not be going how I thought it would go, but I know in the end, all things work for the greater good. And so everything that I may consider to be bad right now, all the closed doors and the tearful moments I’ve had, God will turn it around and use it as a blessing.

I could hear God tonight saying ” I’ve been faithful to you. I’ve opened doors for you, I’ve given you a gift of writing. But now can you be faithful to me? Can you trust me on a new level, and can I trust you to be faithful with the gift of words I’ve given you?” God wants to take me somewhere, but before I get there he’s asking me some serious questions.

My pastor has preached before about a divine shift and I feel like tonight that message came full circle. Something in me has been shifting and I can feel that I’ve gained a zeal for God I haven’t had in a long time. If I thought last summer I had found a certain peace with God, this summer my peace has gone to a whole new level.

I’m not saying I’ve done everything perfect and that I haven’t had some trip ups ( even within the last month or so), but when I bounce back, it doesn’t take me as long as it used to get back in line with God. I’m realizing my peace is too sweet to lose. I’ve said to God I want to go deeper with you, I want a deeper relationship, but now God is saying to me, are you sure you want to ride this train? Going deeper is going to cost you. And I can see areas of my life now he’s testing me on a new level. What I got away with before, I won’t be able to get away with anymore. God is truly getting serious about his relationship with me and the purpose he has for my life.

I challenge you to take your own praise and worship to another level and find true freedom in appreciating God for who he is. In remembering where God has brought you from, you’ll begin to see your current situation isn’t even half as bad. A lot of the times hard moments will hit and we’ll say “Lord I don’t know how I’m gone make it through this”, but not knowing we’ve said this very thing before and God brought us through the previous struggle, so what makes our current one any different?

Now that I understand the freedom in praise and worship, I can allow God to reign openly in my life like never before.

Sharing Growth

In a lot of my previous post, I spoke about wanting growth for others around me and for the people I have relationships with. Well, earlier this week I challenged myself and two of my friends that go to church with me. All of us have been getting closer as young women and so we’ve been trying to keep each other encouraged and moving forward in a Godly direction of purpose.

This week the challenge was to look up a scripture, explain it and then give application of how it can be applied to your life or the situation you struggle with. We each had a day, and we simply just texted each other and talked it out etc. One of my friends is still kind of new to the Christian fellowship, but I really love her attitude for growth. She seemed kind of shy about the challenge, but today when she sent her scripture I was really proud of her.

Ephesian4: 22-32 was the scripture she talked about. And not only did she hit on her own situaton, but she hit on a situation I also struggle with. She mentioned that part of her struggle was hiding her Christian side when she’s around certain company and I told her, I tend to have the same problem. I even shared with her my experience in leaving behind KKI after 2 years and how painful it was to let those people go, because I genuinely cared for them. But ultimately I realized my peace with God was more important. (i’m not even sure I’ve shared the full story on my blog yet, but it will be coming soon…)

But anyways, everyone in KKI (A community service organization at UNF under Kappa Alpha Psi Fraternity Inc.) knew I went to church. I made that clear early on way back in 2010. However, despite all that I got caught up and ended up taking a journey that caused me a lot of pain, but the pain pushed me back towards God where I needed to be And just within the last few months I’m finally getting back in right standings with God. Still not perfect (never will be), but I’m still aiming to restore our relationship.

So anyways, I shared the story with her and she was like she was glad I could relate and understood where she was coming from. And whenever I experience moments like this with other people in God, it gives me GREAT joy! I know it may not seem like much, but I love it. I enjoy seeing other people grow in God and being a part of that experience. I like the fellowship, because her scripture came in handy today.

This is what I’m talking about, sharing the growth with others around me. The kind of relationships were we pour into each other and things aren’t so one-sided. Again, covenant relationsips…I promise you the Lord is determined to clean up my relationships and help me get it right. He’s showing me that in order to master a relationship in the natural, my relationship in the spiritual must be in good standing first. There has to be something else driving me in a relationship beyond my own feelings. If that were the case, all my relationships would be unstable. But God is also challenging me to come outside of myself and not be selfish.

The Word is great. Be sure to share this with a friend. You never know who may need to hear this. That’s my challenge to you, share the word more with others around you if you don’t already. You’ll be surprised what doors will open and the great things God will show you in your life.

Day 21: The FINAL scripture

The end of the challenge has come near, but I like to think of it as “21 days…AND COUNTING.”  Even though technically the challenge may be over, it doesn’t mean I should stop reading God’s word and continuing in my growth. I don’t plan on allowing these 21 days to go to waste.

Today I did more reading than usual and really tried to grasp the background story of King David. So my scripture comes from 2Samuel9:1-13. (The background reading I did was basically 2Samuel chapters 1-4)

This scripture actually links back to the idea of covenant relationships. I can’t tell you how important relationships are in my life. At first it dealt a lot with men in my life, but now God is starting to show me the importance of my relationships with other people in general, even with close friends and making me realize everything needs to be centered around growth and purpose.

But back to the scripture: Back in 1 Samuel18:3, 20:14-16, Jonathan and David made a covenant with one another. They formed a relationship that only God could put together. Jonathan was loyal to David, even though his father, Saul, was trying to kill David. And even though Johnathan should have been next in line to be King, he knew the spot belonged to David, so instead of being bitter, he made a covenant to serve David.

Even after both Saul and Johnathan’s death, David kept his covenant with Johnathan and he never tried to cause harm to anyone who was in the house of Saul, because of how loyal Johnathan had been to him. This made me realize how deep a covenant relationship can go. It doesn’t just expire because one person dies, but when a relationship really has purpose, it can benefit the family members of others who made the covenant.

In the scripture for today 2Samuel chapter 9, David attempts to bless Johnathan’s son Mephibosheth. Mephibosheth suffered from having two bad feet and not being able to walk. Instead of David taking advantage of him and trying to take revenge, David actually blessed Johnathan’s son because of the covenant him and Johnathan had made early on. David took in Johnathan’s son and made sure he had food to eat like he was one of David’s own.

I thought it was amazing how, loyal David was to the covenant he’s made with Johnathan. Most people wouldn’t even extend themselves how David did. If you read the scripture, David had to go out of his way to find Mephibosheth. And that to me makes me want to challenge myself in also trying to extend beyond myself, and my own comfort zone for others.

Covenant relationships are about coming outside of yourself and David is a good example in the scripture I listed. I also think it goes back to when my Pastor preached about “cultivating David’s heart.” It takes a lot to love your enemies the way David did. Even though Saul had tried so hard to go after David and kill him, David never wished anything bad upon Saul, or tried to seek his own revenge. He allowed God to fight the battle for him. (I love it when different scriptures I’ve read, start to connect)

Again this scripture shows how important relationship is, especially with God. It’s because David had the love of God in Him, that he was able to love his enemy and not seek revenge and instead try to find ways to bless them. You never know what God is setting up for the future, by putting two people together in the present. And if we don’t take the relationships around us serious, then we may be hindering something else God has planned.

Day 20: Power of Praise and Worship Pt 2

One more day left in the 21 day challenge, truly it’s been a growing experience. Although it may seem like minor things, I can feel a greater change overall. I feel restoration in my relationship with God and having more faith in him. Like I said before, I hope that once the challenge is over, that it doesn’t mean you’ll hear less from me.

The scripture for today is actually also from yesterday’s post. But I’ve added more verses. 2 Chronicles20: 1-30. This gets the full story of King Jehoshaphat and how he had three different enemies coming against him and his kingdom. Not knowing what to do he fasted and prayed and sought God for advice first.

My favorite verse is ” 12. O our God, will you not exercise judgement upon them? For we have no might against this great company that is against us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are upon you.”

This morning, after I ran into a stumbling block, this scripture came up in my spirit and I kept it in my thoughts all day. To make a long story short, I have to pay for my fall class out of pocket and it’s going to cost me almost $300-$400 more than I expected. The money is due a month from now and I only have a little over half the money saved.  I started thinking I didn’t know what to do.

At first, I wanted to freak out. I was like “Lord where am I gonna get almost $1,000 from?” and then I started thinking about how I’ve been struggling to save the little bit of money I do make, then I started to get frustrated with that because I’ve been trying to find a better job since May and I haven’t found anything yet. And while all of my anxieties began to build, I heard God say praise me.

The same way the people praised God during the battle when they didn’t know what else to do. They kept their eyes on God and praised him despite what the circumstances currently looked like.

“21. When he had consulted with the people, he appointed singers to sing to the Lord and Praise Him in their Holy (priest) garments as they went out before the army, saying, Give thanks to the Lord, for His Mercy and loving-kindness endure Forever!”

“22. And when they began to sing  and to praise, the Lord set ambushments against the men of Ammon, Moab, and Mount Seir who had come against Judah and they were (self) slaughtered.”

“23. For (suspecting betrayal) the men of Ammon and Moab rose against those of Mount Seir, utterly destroying them. And when they had made an end of the men of Seir, they all helped to destroy one another.”

Basically God allowed their enemies to be defeated simply because they didn’t lose their praise during a tough time. Don’t loose your praise during a trial!!

I had to pause and stop getting ahead of myself. When I heard him say that, I turned on my praise and worship music and simply kept telling God thank you. I had to forget about what was going on now, and remember everything else he’d brought me through.  I had to remember that I know God wouldn’t bring me this far, my last class to graduate just to leave me hanging, when I seem so close! And once I started doing that the scripture came to mind and I thought about how praise and worship can be a turning point.

In actuality I know this is all happening for a greater reason. Simply because, when I woke up earlier I had an urge to want to spend time with a male friend. And I had contemplated spending the night….this is serious stuff you guys.  I’m off tomorrow, so tonight would’ve been perfect. So having the thought I knew I was wrong. I was like Lord take this thought away, I know I don’t need to be caught up with this person. I felt myself starting to feed into this crazy fantasy, I asked God to help me shut it down!

Sure enough, I call UNF (Where I go to school college University of North Florida), got the bad news and now first thing in the morning I have to go and attend to business! Surely all things work together for the greater good!

So, when I realized that I definitely praised God and said you know what I needed this to happen. It’s does have me kind of stressed trying to get all the financial aid information situated, but it keeps me focused on something  a lot more important. My purpose in God and my future career!

So after that, all day long this scripture was in my spirit. And even when I went to work today I found myself humming praise and worship songs and I tried not to let the bad news get my spirit down. Now if this had happened to me a year ago, or even a few months ago, I might have broken down and cried and been upset. I probably would have changed my whole mood and just been down all day. But that would’ve gave the devil the victory. I kept telling myself “the devil wants me to doubt God”, but I also said “I won’t because I know God has been too faithful. Even when I couldn’t understand how he was working things. I may have been frustrated at times, but when God got through, it was for the best.”

Man, this stuff is real. Our daily walk, should be real. I don’t know about yall, but sometimes it takes me talking it out and speaking to God to get through some stuff. I can get in some tight spots, but once I get to talking to God and really trying to work and settle my spirit, I feel so much better. But it doesn’t happen over night either. Some times my spirit will obey, other times, it takes a little bit more than a “tap” or two from God. But it’s all a part of growth.