For years I’ve struggled with men & relationships. If you’ve ever read my blog, it hasnt been a secret. But it’s something I constantly battled with. This consistent cycle I couldn’t seem to break until now.
Around September of last year is when God really began softening my hard and truly chastening me. It felt like right after my birthday God lit a fire and I couldnt escape his Word. I mean it came strong & persistent over and over again. I literally couldn’t ignore it.
And as the fire came, I found myself hanging in there with God. During this fire, I didnt run like before. I was determined to stay and fight. From October to November, I remember going through and just crying. I would cry and say to myself, God I want to hang in there with you. I cried many days when things didnt make sense and I kept asking God to help me see. Help me love your truth.
In December I found myself getting strength in obeying God. Taking heed to his word. I wasnt perfect, there were times I had my moments, but I still fought to stick in it with God.
Then new years eve came and God told me to focus on his love for 2016. He said his love was the only thing that would break the cycle. His love would be the thing that keeps me.
And so January 1st, I started digging into the love of God. I started reading the scriptures that talked about God’s love and all that came with it. I started to see just how deep God’s love goes. His love has become the true anchor and foundation of my relationship with him.
And so as I drew closer to God, the freer I became in who God was making me to be. My worship went deeper. My prayer life went deeper. And God’s love really started to consume me. I felt this whole new sense of freedom and it brought about this great joy in my life.
Now that I’ve started to really enjoy my love walk with God and I realize everyday more and more how much he loves me, I know I’m not going back to my cycle with men. Not without a fight. Especially since I know this is a generational curse. I have literally been through so much hell that at this point, there’s not a thing a man can tell me to turn from God. I’ve come to realize what God has done in me isnt just for me, but also those connected to me.
And I’ve gotten to the point where, Im so consumed with my relationship with God and I want to go deeper, my focus isnt even on a man or a relationship anymore. I’m starting to see the bigger picture. I’ve really been called to be a light and leave a mark on earth for his Kingdom.
This is the place in my life, I thought I would never get to. For years I couldnt see myself free. This cycle had been my life for so long, that it was all I knew. But to be beyond that overwhelms me, because God has done a true work in my life. Not just in my life, but also in my heart. My heart and my life are fully invested in the love of God and all that comes with it. Once your heart and life get invested, there’s no turning back. The only way to go is forward.