Turning Point

For years I’ve struggled with men & relationships. If you’ve ever read my blog, it hasnt been a secret. But it’s something I constantly battled with. This consistent cycle I couldn’t seem to break until now.

Around September of last year is when God really began softening my hard and truly chastening me. It felt like right after my birthday God lit a fire and I couldnt escape his Word. I mean it came strong & persistent over and over again. I literally couldn’t ignore it.

And as the fire came, I found myself hanging in there with God. During this fire, I didnt run like before. I was determined to stay and fight. From October to November, I remember going through and just crying. I would cry and say to myself, God I want to hang in there with you. I cried many days when things didnt make sense and I kept asking God to help me see. Help me love your truth.

In December I found myself getting strength in obeying God. Taking heed to his word. I wasnt perfect, there were times I had my moments, but I still fought to stick in it with God.

Then new years eve came and God told me to focus on his love for 2016. He said his love was the only thing that would break the cycle. His love would be the thing that keeps me.

And so January 1st, I started digging into the love of God. I started reading the scriptures that talked about God’s love and all that came with it. I started to see just how deep God’s love goes. His love has become the true anchor and foundation of my relationship with him.

And so as I drew closer to God, the freer I became in who God was making me to be. My worship went deeper. My prayer life went deeper. And God’s love really started to consume me. I felt this whole new sense of freedom and it brought about this great joy in my life.

Now that I’ve started to really enjoy my love walk with God and I realize everyday more and more how much he loves me, I know I’m not going back to my cycle with men. Not without a fight. Especially since I know this is a generational curse. I have literally been through so much hell that at this point, there’s not a thing a man can tell me to turn from God. I’ve come to realize what God has done in me isnt just for me, but also those connected to me.

And I’ve gotten to the point where, Im so consumed with my relationship with God and I want to go deeper, my focus isnt even on a man or a relationship anymore. I’m starting to see the bigger picture. I’ve really been called to be a light and leave a mark on earth for his Kingdom.

This is the place in my life, I thought I would never get to. For years I couldnt see myself free. This cycle had been my life for so long, that it was all I knew. But to be beyond that overwhelms me, because God has done a true work in my life. Not just in my life, but also in my heart. My heart and my life are fully invested in the love of God and all that comes with it. Once your heart and life get invested, there’s no turning back. The only way to go is forward.


Video: Things that Stop You From Being Found”

So in case anyone is curious, I decided to include a post of the video that sparked my post about “The Infamous Wait.”

I believe she hit on some really good points in her video and it was great to watch. But again, my question at the end of it all: why are we so consumed about waiting on a spouse to begin with?

Please watch the video, feel free to comment. Please, share your thoughts. I’m open to hearing what others think, especially other Christian women.

#FallingUpward: “The Infamous” Wait

I recently heard a video on YouTube about why Christian women are having a hard time being “found” by their husbands, and it sparked some thoughts.

Although some of what was said was good, my thought was this: Why are so many Christian women consumed by “the wait” for their spouse? Why aren’t there more saved single women simply enjoying their single walk with Christ.

And I know this is easier said than done, and it’s not as “easy” or as “simple” as I’m making it sound. But it’s a question that concerns me.

It seems like recently God has really been shifting things in my life, the deeper I go with him in my love walk with him. One of those shifts has been the way I view marriage, men and relationships.

I found myself getting to the point where, I stopped asking God to send me a husband. Now my prayer has been focused on drawing closer to God and developing my relationship with him. Wanting to really know his love and the fullness of who he is. I’m really learning how to enjoy my time I spend with him. And it took me YEARS to get to that point.

My desire to be in a relationship and get married, has almost taken a back burner. It’s not my top priority of why I seek God. For a long time, I think that’s what I was doing. I was seeking God, but for my own selfish reasons. I just wanted him to bring me a husband and clean me up to be a good wife. I thought if I just lived this clean life, everything else would just fall into place. But really now, I know he wants to clean me up for his purpose beyond just a spouse.

There’s so much in seeking God, beyond a spouse. In the past several months I’ve really grown to love God deeper than I ever have before. Loving him deeper shifts your desires.

Psalm 37:4 “Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart’s desires.”

So this scripture comes to mind, and I think people take it out of context and twist it for their own selfish desires. I think what people should first realize is that when you delight in the Lord (meaning you’re seeking HIM and NOT what he can do for you) he helps purify your desires. There were a lot of desires that I came to God with and although none of them were wrong, or sinful…they weren’t pure in my motives. Marriage being one of them.

What I want people to take away is that we over emphasize this waiting for a spouse. But for me it has become how and why you’re waiting.  And really I feel like if we just focused on our relationship with God while being single, we would be a whole lot more content being single. If relationship with God is our focus, then there’s really no “wait.” It’s just a season where we draw closer to God one on one.

For me being single isn’t about a “wait.” It’s about my time that I’m spending with God as he molds me and as I draw closer to him. And it also time, where God is able to open doors for me to be active in spreading his word and doing things hands on for the sake of his kingdom.

So, what am I waiting for while I’m single? Absolutely nothing. Whatever I need in this season, God has either already given me or he will provide it. And I don’t say that to be funny, or light. And TRUST me it took me almost 6 years to get to this point, so if you’re not there, I get it. Everyone grows in God at their own pace.

But seriously, my concern is chasing after God. Yea, there may be things I’m waiting for, but I’m not waiting aimlessly like God won’t ever give them to me. Because I know God is my father and that he gives me all things in his timing, when he knows I’m ready. This includes marriage.

I love the message Bible Translation of Matthew 6: 32-33 about seeking the Kingdom of God First

“…What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax, not to be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.”

And I truly believe (because I’ve come to know through my life and personal love journey with God) that if we seek God first to be made whole and full in him..waiting on a spouse won’t be an issue.


Falling Upward…..to be continued.


Is Marriage the “end all to be all…”

No, it’s not….. =/

Sorry to ruin anyone’s personal fantasy. ( Especially for women) I’m not here to bash marriage, because someday I would LOVE to get married. But for me marrying is not considered my ultimate accomplishment in life.

I’ve come to know a life through Christ that’s been truly fulfilling more than any man could ever really give me. When I get married, will I be excited…of course! But I’m not seeking marriage as my ultimate goal in life. There are other things to seek and accomplish BEFORE you get married and AFTER you married. But I don’t look at marriage as this fairy tale “end all to be all.”


A friend of mine shared the above video on Facebook and it really sparked something in me. I have been that woman. The woman obsessed with finding “the one.” But now, because I’ve come to grow deeper in my love walk with Christ, he’s helping me BECOME “the one.” I want to be a great gift to my husband and I want to be complete and whole before he finds me.

The best way to do that: continue to pursue all that God has for me and let him define what my true accomplishment in life should be.