#FallingUpward: God is my Recompense

So today has been an interesting day already and I’m only halfway through the day. Early this morning God came to test me about my patience and my ability to trust him as my recompense and that I am not a victim when bad things happen to me.

Now for some people, this may seem like a small thing, but this is where I am in my walk with God and he works on me with both big and small test.

I ride the city bus and  last week around Wed or Thurs. I noticed the bus was not reading my fare card properly. I had recently put $20 on the card, but when I would get on the bus it would read “no value.” So ever since last week I’ve been calling and going back & forth with the people about the money on my card.

To make a long story short, on Friday I thought the issue had been handled. I was told to buy a new card & they would transfer my funds over. I woke up this morning, waited on hold for 30 minutes just to find out the transfer of funds did not happen, yet I had to get to work.

Now initially I was not happy. I was frustrated because I felt like I was a “victim” and that it was my money, they messed it up & I wanted them to fix it RIGHT then and there. But when I got off the phone and I took a moment to get it together, I had to say “God, you go before me & make a way.”

I had to think on the very message my Pastor preached yesterday, and MY HOW RELEVANT it was! So, I had to pray & get my attitude together. I had to pray as I scraped around for some extra change to ride the bus. And I had to thank God that he provided me with the extra change to get on the bus. I don’t normally carry cash or change like that.

It was tough, my mind & emotions wanted to go back and forth. It’s hard to choose peace when you feel you haven’t done anything wrong. As I walked to the bus stop, I got a callback and I was told to go to the Downtown terminal and they would reload my card for me.

As I sat on the bus, I literally had to choose peace and tell myself that I am not a victim because something bad out of my control has happened to me. While I sat on the bus I read Philippians 4: 6-9 that talked about the peace of God going beyond our understanding & to think on things that are just & righteous in the sight of God.

I had to talk to myself and say I could choose to let this attitude control my mood for the rest of the day, or I could choose to take on the attitude of Christ and have peace and joy the rest of my day. I could choose to feel like I had a right to be upset, but truth is God made a way & he fixed it. Even though it was a bit “extra” and  felt like I had been given a runaround, he was faithful in the end. Just because it didn’t go my way, doesn’t give me grounds to have an attitude.

On top of all of that I was late to work. Normally I try to make it to work between 8:30-9, but today I got in at 10 am because of all the extra with the bus card. But even in that,  I had to put all my emotions to the side, come in, still give God thanks and be prepared to work as usual.

As I walked to work, I had to tell myself that from now on, I will have to make a daily declaration until it really sinks in my soul that: I AM NOT  VICTIM BECAUSE GOD IS MY RECOMPENSE AND I CAN TRUST HIM WITH MY LIFE!

I learned today even in the simple things, God continues to work on us and shows us just who we are and where we are in our walk with him. We all have something to work on, if we didn’t, we wouldn’t need to depend on God.

Choosing to think differently about a situation and see the good of God in it is a challenge when our minds so easily go to the negative about a thing. But I encourage you to think about what you’re thinking about and choose to think of things of the Lord instead of negative things. God’s light is always shining in every situation.


Juggling Life

woman-juggling-with-life#Thestruggle to juggle life is REAL, but so is GOD!

There are just some things in life, where I KNOW it’s only by the grace of God that I am getting through it all! The last few months of my life have been filled with task after task, project after project and people pulling on me for different things.

Having all this happen, makes me go back to the idea of when we beg God to use us. “Lord, please use me for your glory.” But we don’t always count the cost. Being used by God can be tough. You get stretched beyond yourself, A LOT!  If you want to be used by God, you have to depend on him as your strength because what he uses you for always goes beyond your capacity.

Today I had a moment where I found myself journaling, thanking God yet again for his continued faithfulness. If there is one thing I’ve learned this year about God, it’s his continued faithfulness. I know I have probably posted several post on this topic, but he always shows me more and more of just how great he is in my life.

My journal entry was focused on his ability to stretch my capacity. If you could see my daily or weekly list of things to do with work and outside of work, you would think I’m crazy! I mean, my days are filled with tedious tasks that add up. At work, some of the smallest tasks, take longer than expected because they require great attention to detail. On top of the fact that I struggle with being a perfectionist anyways. Outside of work, let’s not get me started, half the time I can’t even organize the task right; list and all.

And so, I just had to write and thank God for holding it all together, even when I feel like it’s all falling apart. Somehow in those moments where I really feel stretched and I’m biting my nails like “I don’t know God?”, he manages to send a wind of grace that carries me through. I don’t know how he does or even why at times. Sometimes, I can be a procrastinator and so I know some of my stress is my fault for not always staying on top of stuff. Yet, God brings me through!

At this stage in my life, I thank God for being single without kids. If I had a family right now with all this happening, I don’t know how life would pan out right now. So, when people say singleness is a gift, it is. I know I do a lot, and it’s exhausting at times; but in the end I know God is saying well done. There’s so much I’m learning about myself, and how to serve others, it’s truly a priceless experience. But I know, to truly enjoy this experience it takes me leaning on God.

I’m not sure what your journey looks like, but in this phase of my life God is putting me to work and building up both capacity to serve and my character. So as I endeavour with all my tasks, that’s what I keep in the forefront of my mind. I’m always thinking about what God wants to work on in me and how every situation can point back to Him and his purpose in all of it.

So life is a journey, and at times it may seem hard. But I encourage you to find joy in your journey by focusing on the God of the journey and where he wants to take you in it!

Lamentations 3:22-23 The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases;  his mercies never come to an end; they are new  every morning; great is your faithfulness.

Easier Said than Done

Why is it that social media makes everything look so easy? I follow a lot of entrepreneurs on social media, people who own their own businesses and they always make it look so easy to own your own company.

They’ll often post things about “hustling” & “making more moves &less announcements.” For me I’ve noticed that you can post all these quotes and blog post all day long & it all sounds so motivational.

But the truth of the matter is…your quotes and pictures aren’t really helping me put anything into action. And truth be told, no one ever thinks about the true work that has to go into maintaining a business that’s successful.

Sometimes I feel like social media paints things out to be a show or a status game.

At the end of it all, this is why I have to be careful on social media.  It can be hard for me when I see people achieving what I’ve been wanting to achieve for years. Too often i can forget that true success is not built over night and nothing I build without God’s approval will last.

Since 2012 I’ve been wanting to start my own Social Media marketing Company. And I’ve wrote business plan after business plan, websites, blogs, facebook pages trying to “sell” myself….yet after years of “trying to make it happen” I have concluded I can’t do any of it without God.

As much as I want this business, for me it can’t just be about pure success, but ultimately PURPOSE! And the only way I’ll be able to have said purpose is by trusting God with all my plans.

There’s a scripture in Psalm that talks about submitting all your ways unto God & he’ll give you the desires of your heart.

So the other side to what I see on social media is that 1. I dont know what they did to get where they are. 2. I can only speak for myself & my experience

I dont knock these people, but I just hope the hustle is real with purpose and not just a show of surface success. And I also hope people realize that life is more than being “Facebook & Instagram” famous.

Personally I’d rather work and be unseen for years & have longevity in my success because God opened the door for me, vs. Me trying to do things my way & burn out in just a few years.

#stayHumble #workhard #TrustGod

An Ambitious Soul ❤

TRUE Beauty for Ashes


“You can’t have true beauty for ashes if you never put yourself on the altar!” – Pastor Ervin Jones

Last night at Bible study, my Pastor preached an awesome message about the true purpose of the altar. The altar is not just a place where you come to get or receive, but it is a place of EXCHANGE.

What part of YOU, are you willing to bring to the altar and LEAVE, in order to take away what God wants to give you instead. You can’t take away anything without truly giving up something. When you give up something, it makes room to receive.

The scriptures talk about a LIVING SACRIFICE, our flesh must be crucified daily! And God uses life and trials to burn up more of our flesh and our old man, in return he can make us into a new creature with what’s left behind.

Fire is meant to purify. In nature, there are some plants that only germinate after being triggered by a fire. I find this amazing, because the same is true for us as Christians. There are some things that don’t come out of us until the fire of life has hit us. Good things and bad things. It just depends on what God wants to pull out of you on the journey.

Be encouraged if you’re in a “trying” season. The fire is not without purpose, but it’s always used for our growth in Christ. Our struggles should never come as a surprise. Although it may hit certain emotions and we may feel the death of our flesh, our hope should be in Christ.

I’ve been going through something the last month and as many tears as I have cried, and as much pain I’ve felt from my flesh dying,…I constantly hear God say “But Oh what a beautiful testimony you’ll have to help someone else.”  And sometimes when I cry, I also hear him say, “Your tears are beautiful because they are sown with hope that it shall pass.” I can’t even cry or feel sad the same anymore because God is always pointing me back to my hope in him through it all. So, I pray you are encouraged as well.

Going through the fire is worth it, knowing that God still loves you enough afterwards to make something beautiful from burnt ashes.

Beauty in being Found


I think I will forever be touched by stories in the Bible that talk about God finding us in the midst of our sins and still choosing to love us. The idea that when God found us, literally and figuratively we were dirt, a mess, nothing; but yet he found beauty in us. He still found us attractive enough that he wanted to take us in and clean us up. Even in our sins, we were still treasure to be found by him.

It blows my mind everytime I think about it. It always brings me to tears because it’s such a beautiful love story that God has for us. 

Two of my favorite passages in the Bible that talk about this are Ezekiel 16 and the book of Hosea. The more I reread stories like this, I see the importance in waiting to be found, even for a spouse. Because when you’re found and chosen by God, it’s for HIS glory and not for man’s.  Once you’re chosen by God, you’re always his.

When God finds us, he doesn’t just take us in to clean us up on the surface, but he cleans us inside and out and makes us look like we are a brand new person! We are given a fresh start, and not just then but everyday after with him is a fresh start.

I encourage you to read the above passages as encouragement. God’s love really can restore us like never before. Being able to really appreciate his love will help give your walk with him a whole new meaning.