The Ultimatum


So I was having a conversation with someone yesterday about relationships, and I was told asking my spouse to be saved is giving them an ultimatum.

Now, when I heard this, I was a bit shocked and almost offended. As a Christian I believe that my spouse should be saved because the scriptures talk about not being unequally yoked. (2 corinthians 6:14) But what really made me upset is that the person thought that I was asking for “too much” for my future spouse to be saved. In their mind good saved men aren’t out there.

After hearing that I had to do some thinking of my own. As a Christian woman, I’ve ran into too many women, saved or unsaved who settle because they feel like what they’re looking for is unrealistic because of what society presents before them.

Now, I can’t lie..I once thought saved young men didn’t exist, but the more I started to fellowship with other young adults who were serious about their walk with Christ, I saw that saved young men are out there. And as I fellowshipped, I wasn’t trying to find a man, but get to know other young adults who loved God like I did. It’s not something unrealistic to look for, and asking that your spouse be saved is not giving them an ultimatum. It’s BIBLE and it’s TRUTH!

If you plan on building the rest of your life with someone, especially if you are a Christian, I would hope you would want your spouse to have the same foundation as you. For me, my relationship with Christ is a lifestyle. It affects ALL AREAS of my life and it’s the source of where I make all my choices. So I would need to be with someone who also understands that and lives the same lifestyle. I want to be with someone who honors Christ in their lives, because ultimately they can’t honor me as their spouse if they can’t honor Christ first. Outside of Christ, what foundation will our relationship be built upon?

I’ve had a recent experience where I thought I’d met the perfect guy. He was literally the perfect fantasy of what I’ve always thought I wanted in a guy, except he wasn’t a Christian. He said he believed in God, but ‘not like that’. He wasn’t actively pursuing a relationship with Christ. Now for a while I tried to let it slide and hope that maybe my lifestyle would rub off on him, but after a while it just became something I couldn’t ignore. No matter how good looking, mannerable or nice he was. And even though he was willing to be in it for the long haul, I knew in my heart that without Christ as the foundation, there would be no long haul. And I couldn’t try to change him, he had to want Christ for himself.

I was forced to make a decision that went beyond my feelings. I had to choose to be wise and honor God in my choice. I knew that if I didn’t honor God it would lead me into darkness. I love God and his truth too much to just throw it all away over a guy. But trust me the decision was hard, because my feelings were strong and so was the guy’s. It was the first time I had genuinely connected with someone and there were no strings attached. We’d known each other for over a year and hadn’t even had sex. Took us almost a year to even kiss each other.

But because he didn’t have a relationship with Christ and that I chose to let him go, I was told I was giving him an unrealistic ultimatum. But my thing is, why does being a Christian/saved have to be an ultimatum?  Shouldn’t it just be a lifestyle choice? My choice isn’t speaking to who he is as a person, or saying he’s a bad person because he doesn’t have a relationship with Christ; but I’m simply saying I can’t spend the rest of my life with someone who’s life is built on a different foundation. And that’s bottom line. I’m not trying to force him to get saved and be who  he isn’t, so to keep that from happening I’d rather walk away.

If you ask me, that’s love; knowing it’s better to walk away, than to try and keep holding on knowing God won’t be pleased. To try and hold on would be selfish and probably more dangerous than anticipated. I would know that past a certain point I would have God to fall back on, but what would he have? Would that be fair to know that darkness is up ahead & walk into it without warning the other person?

The bottom line is that asking anyone to be a Christian is not an ultimatum, but truly a lifestyle choice. Some people may read this post and think for me to be 27 I’m being “extra.” But knowing all the hell I’ve gone through the last 5 years with guys, I know that when God speaks about relationships he means what he says. I’ve wasted so much time in the past by settling and I just refuse to continue doing so.

I hope no one takes this as me being judgemental, but simply put if I plan on spending the rest of my life with you, we have to have the same foundation. For me the foundation is Christ. It’s not personal, I just know what my lifestyle calls for, just like the next person. The average person, saved or unsaved, picks people according to the needs of their lifestyle. My life is rooted in Christ, and that’s important to me. I don’t want to invite anyone into my life that would cause conflict in that area.


And this is why I’m single…. ❤