A Season of P.U.S.H.

It seems like 2016 started off really strong and really awesome for me. But then around September I hit a huge lag. Lately, it just seems like the fight to push beyond my feelings and circumstances has been harder and harder.

I know life is not meant to be perfect and trials and tribulations will come, but this season I’m in right now, it feels tight. But what I do thank God for during this season is that it hit me when I was mature enough to really stand firm without going backward in my faith.

What I mean by that is, if things had been this tight last year, I’m not sure if I would’ve held on to God like I’m holding on now. It would’ve been a lot easier to slip back into old habits to cope with all the stress I’ve been faced with lately.

Not to say that in the last few months or so I haven’t had my downfall moments, but I haven’t gone as far down as before where I haven’t had enough God in me to push and get back up again. I mean literally, I’ve cried so much in the last few months and I’ve felt frustrated, I’ve felt stuck, overwhelmed, tired and despite all of that; after the tears are gone and I breathe, I get up and say, but God you are my strength. My tears are not in vain and this will all work out for my good in the end. You know which way to lead me and you won’t give me more than I can bear.

It’s been a constant back and forth of having to remind myself of who God is. It gets tough sometimes because when I look at what’s around me, or my circumstance, it’s hard not to be discouraged. But faith comes by hearing and not by sight.

So recently God has given me a scripture to meditate on every time I start feeling the tightness of life: Proverbs16:3 “Commit thy works unto the Lord, and thy thoughts shall be established.”

The whole chapter is really good, but this verse stood out to me the most. With all that I have going on with daily tasks, assignments at work and outside of work, I’m easily overwhelmed and I often feel behind because of this internal clock I have as a perfectionist. So reading that verse made me realize, that I’m not in control, but God is.Only what I submit to him will truly prosper and be of significance.

Knowing this makes me push. It makes me push when I want to cry. It makes me push when I want to quit. It makes me push, even when I want to cuss. ( Yes..I get tempted, and Lord forgive me but a few words have slipped from time to time.) But despite it all I know that God has given me the grace I need to get through this season. While in the tight I know he’s testing my attitude, testing my faith. Do I really love him? Can I hang in there when I feel like I’m about to reach my end? Will I still say he’s faithful even when I keep running into closed doors with my 2-year long job search?

Truly having the love of God and the guidance of the Holy Spirit in your life is the only thing that will make you push beyond yourself. I’m really learning that first hand. No everything isn’t perfect, but all my needs are met. It’s tight, but it could be worse. I still have so much more to be thankful for this year. God has still been faithful in keeping me, even when I wanted to go off the deep end. ( And back in September I contemplated that as an option, but Gid is a keeper!!)

So, I encourage you to push despite whatever your situation looks like. Despite the tears, you may cry or have cried. God hasn’t left you alone, he’s walking with you through the tears and all. He’s a high priest, touched by our infirmities. So believe me, he cares. Whatever you are facing, it’s not in vain. This season is only a piece of your story, but there are more chapters left to write if you trust God to be your author.


Alex M.