Something that has always intrigued me is whether the Jewish people feel as strong about the Holocaust as African Americans do about slavery? Honestly we could debate all day about who had it worse. Whenever I’ve been in a class where either of the subjects come up, it seems African Americans have more to say about slavery than the Jewish people do about the Holocaust. I always wonder why African Americans seem to get more upset?
I’ve never heard a Jewish person get overly upset about what happen during the Holocaust, but plenty of times I’ve seen a black person really take slavery to heart. African Americans and Jewish people both faced a form of discrimination. It’s not like it’s a part of either groups history that can be ignored. It’s written in history books and talked about everyday. Has anyone else been wondering about this?
A while back I decided that as an aspiring journalist, writing for the newspaper was not for me. I understand that people have to start somewhere and that’s fine; but ultimately I know that as a writer I wouldn’t be happy writing solely for a newspaper for the rest of my career. Something recently that has made me realize this even more is a newspaper editing class that I’m taking. I cannot explain how much I loathe this class. Editing has never been my strong suit. I could look a paper over for days and when I’m done, there would still be grammatical mistakes I didn’t catch.It’s not that I don’t appreciate good writing skills, it’s just the tedious things really bother me. I’m more concerned with getting my point across than worrying about if something is written in AP style. Good grammar works well enough for me.
Besides that, when I think of newspapers I often think of having to follow these strict guidelines about being objective and only reporting the facts. There’s nothing wrong with this, I understand this is the basis of good journalism. However at the end of the day, it leaves no room for me to be creative and open about what I really would like to say. Facts are important, but I would also like my readers to be able to relate to what I have to say. I’m sure I’m not the only one who has the same opinion on an issue, I just want to be bold enough to say what everyone else was thinking.
Newspapers also seem limited in their layout. I’m a very visual person and sometimes newspapers don’t do it for me. Newspapers all have the same basic layout. It really doesn’t differ much from newspaper to newspaper. They’re all essentially “black and white and read all over” also known as bland and boring. I prefer magazines that have a lot more to work with. Magazines aren’t as limited in their layout and pages. This tends to leave a lot more room for creativity. There’s a better opportunity to experiment when it comes to layouts and designs. Not every magazine is the same and visually they all have something different to offer their readers. The news is going to always be the news; day in and day out. Nothing will change. Every now and then I enjoy changing things up a bit. When magazines do monthly issues I look forward to seeing something different in every issue. I would like to be able to write something and actually have my personality be evident in what I’m writing. I know that they say everyone has their own voice when they write, but how can my voice really stand out at a newspaper where everything is so plain and straight forward?
I believe this is why I need to become a free-lance journalist and write whatever I want to write. It leaves my options wide open and I can shop my work around to whoever I want. I’m not limited to doing objective pieces that only focus on facts and blogging has opened a new window for me to do more multimedia work as well. I’m just realizing that I’m all about exploring my options as a journalist. Years ago to become a newspaper reporter was the “it” job for journalists, but now with technology there’s so much more we’re able to do. And I’m glad that people can’t just fit journalists into this one box anymore. Journalist are branching out and becoming “jacks of all trades.” It’s not good enough to simply be a good writer anymore. There are too many good resources at our fingertips to let them go to waste.
The only true thing that matters most to me is that in the end I’m able to write and share my work with others. How I do it, could end up being another whole story. I just don’t want to be thought of as the stereotypical journalist. I’m willing to break the mold and do my own thing and whatever I discover works best for me.
Lately if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that, sometimes what works for one situation, may not work for the next situation. In saying this I’m starting to realize that when it comes to dating; every guy is different. But I have a tendency to try and compare every guy to one particular incident in my past. In a sense, I have let something of my past set the precedent of my future attempts at relationships with other people. With this is mind, it already holds the next person hostage for something someone else did to me, which in turn doesn’t give the next person a fair chance. I would like to be able to think outside the box for once and not live my life trying to fit every guy I meet into the same box as the previous guy.
I was talking to my dad the other day and from the conversation we had, I could tell he had good intentions. His main concern was that in trying to date someone new, I take the necessary precautions to not get hurt like I have in previous situations. I understand that, it makes sense that one would learn from past mistakes. However, I don’t feel like when you’re trying to date someone and be in a relationship with someone, that it should always follow these structured guidelines. Yes I do see the need to stick to your morals and beliefs when approaching these situations, but at the same time, every situation is different. I think it’s important to be flexible without compromising the things you believe in. Every situation can’t be played out exactly the same; people are too different.
While my dad talked about making the steps to protect my emotions from being hurt, I started wondering to myself, why? Why would I make all these plans to protect myself if I was in a situation where I was truly allowing God to be my guide? In every attempt to be with someone, you’re always taking a risk with your emotions. Relationships can be fickle to successfully navigate through. Trusting God as your guide can prevent you from some mistakes and hurt but not all. As long as we put all our trust in man, we will always be disappointed, because man will always fall short. We’re humans and it happens; even with the best of intentions. Sometimes God will allow us to get hurt in certain situations to show us that some let downs are needed so that eventually you’ll be able to appreciate the good thing when it does come your way.
I find the idea of sticking to the same “formula” and guidelines every time to be predictable and stale. I don’t want to live my life in fear thinking that if I don’t stick to these guidelines the situation is bound to fail. When really there isn’t a right or wrong way to go about trying to date someone. There are just some things in life that will always be too unpredictable to fit into a box.
Last night after reading my Bible, it helped to show me what was truly going on with all these fears that I’m having and the things I’ve written about in the two previous blog posts. The two scriptures that I read focused on dealing with emotions properly. One of the scriptures I read was Hebrews4:15-16. This scripture talks about how God has experienced every emotion there is possible, he’s been through the tough things in life and yet he never sinned. The Bible that I have is an amplified bible by Joyce Myers and she expounded even more on these two verse in particular. She mentioned how God understands that we’re going to experience certain emotions and that sometimes we aren’t always going to act on them properly. God doesn’t expect us to not ever sin. We’re still humans. However, this is still not an excuse because God has also given us enough power as Christians to not give into every emotion that we experience. The best way to overcome easily giving into your emotions, is if you fill yourself with more knowledge of God. In doing this we are more likely to be guided by the knowledge that’s going be concrete and reliable versus our own fickle emotions.
Another scripture I read last night was Philippians4:11. This scripture simply talks about being content with wherever God has placed you. Regardless of your current state or situation, we should be content knowing that God has placed us there with a greater reason. This scripture stuck with me in particular because it made me realize that normally the only time a person’s emotions are out of whack is when they’re desires aren’t matching up with God’s. A lot of the time we have a hard time controlling our emotions because we’re often longing for more than what God has given us. If we aren’t content with the things that God has given us, then we’ll end up searching in other places for fulfillment. And wherever our minds go the emotions will surely follow. As long as we remain content with where God has placed us, then usually our emotions remain stable and under control. It’s only when we start wanting extra stuff that God didn’t intend that we find ourselves thrown off.
I said all of that to say that in my situation this is exactly what’s happening. The only reason I’m so anxious about history repeating itself and being nervous about trying to start things with a new guy is simply because I keep wondering is this what God has intended for me. If I start things with this new guy are my emotions going to lead me somewhere I don’t need to be right now? I feel like if there was some kind of real potential then I might be a lot more calm about the situation and I wouldn’t be having these second thoughts where I’m constantly over-analyzing everything. But I feel like this a sign to me to probably stop while I’m still ahead before I get in too deep and then I really do find myself making the same mistakes; only because I didn’t listen to God the FIRST time around.
As much I wanted to believe I was over my fear of attachment to guys, a recent situation has shown me that I’m not. During this past summer, I really thought I had reached a point where I had a breakthrough and I was able to deal with my issues and let all the baggage go. However, now that I’m facing a similar situation it’s shown me that attachment is still an issue for me. I’ve never been more nervous for myself.
I seriously have this fear, that if I get too close or attached to a guy too soon, it will automatically send him running in the opposite direction. The only reason I have this fear is because of my past. A little over a year ago, I was attached to someone and it didn’t turn out very well. I suffered a lot of emotional damage. (I still feel like he has a piece of me I can’t get back) I know that going into a new situation, with someone completely different that I shouldn’t let my past affect my new adventure. However, my past had a bigger effect than I thought. As much as I’ve struggled to let it go, the baggage and emotional damage from it all tends to linger.
My biggest concern is that I’ll get so into my emotions that I’ll end up doing something stupid that I can’t take back. I fear that this will cause me to rush things in a direction they may not be meant to go in so soon. I don’t want to make the same mistakes I made last time and have history repeat itself all over again. It’s not that I’m looking for this new guy to mess up or anything, but I just don’t want to be the one to mess up my own chances with something good because I’m still fearful of the things from my past.
This fear I have about history repeating itself, I don’t want it to become a self-fulfilling prophecy. But I just feel like I’m being put in the same test all over again and now I’m constantly on edge making sure I don’t make the same mistakes, and that somewhere along the way I do something different from what I did before. But lately it seems even in my attempts to do things differently, I’ve been having the same outcomes. So part of me simply feels like my life is in a cycle and I don’t know what to do to overcome it.