I recently wrote an article about two great creative sisters and it was published in my University’s newspaper, The Spinnaker. I’m so excited because, not only is it exposure for me and my writing, but also good exposure for my close friends, Crystal and Tiffany Rodriguez. In case you don’t know who these two young ladies are, they are the most talented and creative people I’ve ever met. They have their own art-based freelance business. I’ve seen their work and I’m all about supporting others people’s creativity. You’ve got to see more for yourself.
I’ve provided the link below so you can connect to the full story.
The fewer people who know the better, and the less people know the better. I said that to say, that sometimes when it comes to making decisions, “everybody and their mama” don’t have to be part of the process. I’m finding that I have to be careful of who I ask for advice. And also in asking for advice I’m learning that at the end of the day I’m still the one that has to make the decision. Ultimately I’m the one that’s going to be affected and I have to be comfortable with the decision that I’ve made. I have this problem where I’ll know what I should do, and my mind is pretty much made up, but I ask other people for advice to confirm my own decision. There’s nothing wrong with this per say, but a lot of the times it does make me go back and second guess myself. What I find is that most of the time when I just follow my “first mind”, as my grandma says, I usually end up okay. It’s about time I become more confident in following my own advice and making decisions and sticking to them for myself.
This morning my mother and I had one of our rare “mother-daughter moments.” Turns out she gave me some really good advice about the current situation I’ve been going through. I pretty much asked her why is it that I feel like my life is a cycle and that I find myself making the same mistakes I made a year ago? Why hasn’t anything changed and why haven’t I learned how to properly apply what I know?
To basically sum up her response she told me that I needed to check my surroundings. The people and the things that I have been surrounding myself with aren’t in alignment with where I’m trying to grow in God. Although I may have this appetite for growth, no one around me is really pushing me to do better when I find myself slipping. I don’t have anyone around me to reinforce a higher level of thinking. Also she told me to take some time out to focus on my relationship with God and figure out what things I need to keep and let go in order to be in better alignment with his plan for my life. The only way I’m going to get my peace back is if I cut off all the unnecessary things and get back to the basics. She said that I’ve probably taken on more than I need to at this point and just to keep things simple and focus on what’s important, school being one and a better relationship with God being the second thing. Everything else I’ve been doing should fall back on my list of priorities. When it’s all said and done I need to be able to make the decisions for myself and learn when enough is enough and to not go beyond my own boundaries.
Although our “mother-daughter moments” are rare, when they do happen I do value what comes from them. Anytime my mother can say something and get me together, this is a for sure sign that I’ve been slipping because any other time, our relationship is a bit distant. But today her advice came right on time and it was definitely something I needed to hear.
I’m amazed at my current situation. I’ve been talking to a guy for over a month and yet I feel like I still don’t have a good sense of who he is. I believe this has a lot to do with our lack of verbal communication. Everything else seems to be in line, but having conversations with each other is often like pulling teeth. It’s not that the conversations are bad, it’s that they aren’t frequent enough and when we do talk, it’s about basic things, nothing of real substance.
I’ve spent hours with this guy and sometimes I won’t say more than 3o words. But sometimes it’s moments where nothing needs to be said. I’m comfortable cuddling watching tv and enjoying the moment. But my issue is when the show is over, now what? He seems to be laid back and that’s cool, but maybe he’s a little too laid back. This is really weird to me because honestly I’m not always a verbal person. I tend to internalize a lot of things and just observe, but at some point I need to be able to know that we’re capable of having a meaningful conversation. I actually want to open up to this guy, but I wish he would meet me half way!
This makes me wonder if maybe it was all just a physical attraction. Because physical attraction; we’re pretty much good on. He’s a very affectionate person and this is something that attracts me to him. But at the end of the day, physical attraction can’t keep me interested. But part of me believes this is how he mainly expresses himself as well. There are things he may not say verbally but his body lanuage gives him away everytime. However the lack of verbal communication is going to keep me fustrated. Some days we talk and the conversation flows really well, but other days things seem forced or static. If we’re considering working towards an actual relationship where is the real substance if we can’t properly communicate?
I know that communication is a two way street, but I guess it doesn’t help that I’m the type of person that has to be mentally intrigued to get the conversation going. I’m not usually the conversation starter, but around the right person I easily get going. I also beleive that maybe our lack in communication could also be due to the fact that we’re both genuinely quiet people and also neither one of us is very good at opening up to others. See my problem?
But I’ve decided that one of us has to be bold and I’m volunteering myself. This is my opporutnity to try and really improve upon my verbal communication. It’s always been a problem I’ve had, especially with relationships. I’m trying to stay hopeful because luckily it’s a minor problem that can be fixed. And I’m also hoping that it kind of works itself out with more time. One would think the more time you spend with someone the more likely you are to open up to them. I understand those things take time, so part of it is having patience as well. It’s only been a little over a month so at this point, anything could happen. It’s still kind of early and everyone is different in how they warm up to people. I’m not expecting him to spill his whole life story to me within the next few weeks, but I do want him to be able to talk to me about something of substance, and vice versa for myself.
For some reason, I’ve never been the type of girl to be easily won over by flattery. I’ve reached a point in my life where I’m very confident and comfortable in who I am. When guys compliment me, I often take it with a grain of salt. Most of the time I sense there’s an underlying motive behind their compliments. Granted I’m sure some of them are genuine, but it depends on what the compliment was and how it was said to me. Normally I respond pretty well to compliments, a simple thank you is usually my response.
However, the one thing that really bothers me is if a guy is constantly complimenting me on the same thing. If you said it once, don’t say it again! I got it the first time. Plus I’m pretty sure you aren’t the first person to compliment me on the same thing. I just feel like constant flattery means you’re trying too hard to impress me and you’re really just over doing it! This especially bothers me if I just met you. Then it seems like I’m being smothered if I get a text everyday about how “beautiful I am, and how you wish we would’ve spent more time together.” sheesh! *Pause! I’m such a laid back and goofy person, there’s no need for all the extra to impress me. Just be cool, chill and be you. I can’t be won over by words. I’m the type of person who’s more concerned with a person’s actions anyways.
When a dude has to constantly compliment me it makes me wonder about his own sense of confidence. And it also makes me think he has this infatuation with me and I don’t like that at all. For me it’s a sure sign the dude may be getting attached too soon. (I’ve seen this happen way too many times in my life with all the dudes I’ve run into.) I’m just Alex, nothing special. Really. I’m a human being. Don’t place me on a pedestal too soon and give me too much. It will not end well for you. This is a for sure way to turn me off!
I know this post may make me come off slightly cocky, but know that I’m really trying to aim for confidence. I learned a long time ago that I don’t need a guy to constantly confirm what I already know about myself. It would be nice if I actually heard a different compliment every now and then. I mean saying that I’m pretty, I’m beautiful, I’m smart, and that I have a great personality….it really doesn’t do it for me. Thank you, but dig a little deeper.