It’s Beyond Me
Have you ever felt like God has given you a vision so big that it feels like it can’t possibly be “real?” Has he ever shown you the true potential of what you could achieve but it felt bigger than you? Has God shown you something about your life that’s both powerful and overwhelming that it all feels beyond you? Aka unattainable by your own will or strength.
Well, believe it or not that’s the point. Seriously, we spend so much time wrapped up in our own dreams, goals and visions and planning our life out just to settle for what we think is good, when God has another plan for our lives that’s bigger than what we can even imagine or dream.
God shows us these things about our lives because he knows that things he’s shown us aren’t meant to be carried alone. Sometimes the vision seems “beyond you” because it’s the exact reminder we need to remember that God doesn’t give us a vision without giving us the grace to carry it out. God also, won’t show us something without guiding us through every step of the way. No matter how overwhelming it may be, how far fetched it may sound.. if God gives you a vision he gave it to you for a reason.
So, in the past year I’ve been feeling like God has been pushing me to really dig deep into my creativity and tackle some projects I stopped working on years ago thinking it would never actually go anywhere. If I’m honest I’ve always felt like because I’m a creative person, I’m always “doing too much.”
You know, when a person ALWAYS has SOME PROJECT that they are working on or some creative endeavor they’re trying to pursue and it just seems like they ALWAYS TRYING TO MAKE STUFF HAPPEN…
I feel like that’s me, or at least I feel like that’s how people view me. My creative mind is always thinking of some project or idea that I’m working on. A lot of things I don’t share, but when I do I’m always secretly asking myself if people think I’m “doing too much.” Also, I have several passions, so I’m often frustrated at trying to figure out how they all fit together.
I was journaling one day and I came across this devotional that talked about how Moses told God he wasn’t good enough to speak to the Pharaoh because he didn’t speak well enough. ( Exodus 4:10) But little did Moses know God chose him for a reason and already had a plan for his insecurity. In spite of Moses not being able to speak well God encouraged him to go because God would give him the words to speak on his behalf.
Our own insecurities can talk us out of the very assignment God has for us because of that insecurity. He will show us something that’s for us knowing it might scare us, but also knowing it’s possible because he’s already made the way! He will take our insecurity and use it for his greater purpose.
In my case, I realized that there is a part of me that feels like my creativity is a burden. I’m always coming up with ideas and things to do, but many times the ideas don’t see the light of day. You might be surprised to find how many ideas I’ve written down over the years and nothing has come of them. There are times I’m like, what was the point of giving me this idea God?! I feel that my creativity is sometimes wasted in those moments where God has said no to an idea. But honestly most times it’s because I write things down and then get scared to actually do them. These are the ideas that I always have a deep gut feeling about that they could really be great ideas and then I think of 1. all the work ( not just physical, but mental and spiritual work etc.) 2. I get overwhelmed by the idea that it actually could bless people and then it will all get “beyond me” because I can’t keep up with it or 3. There’s no way I could possibly do that because it’s just not going to happen for someone like me. EVER. As you can tell, as creative as I am, I’m ALWAYS IN MY HEAD about stuff.
So for the last few years I’ve had a word for the year. Since 2019, the words I’ve chosen have been spot on in describing what the year will entail and look like from a spiritual stand point. Some of my past words has have been: truthful &fearless, rebuild, preparation and risk. Going into 2022 my word will be audacity. In the past year I’ve felt this constant shift or push to do more and dig deeper with my creativity. But doing this with a different level of confidence that God will show himself through it in a way he hasn’t done before.
Knowing that and then me writing this blog doesn’t seem like I’m heading into 2022 audaciously am I?
But guess what?! As I write these blog posts, they are speaking to me too! I’m the first person they have to hit because it’s my reality. We’re in this journey together homegirl. Trust me. So back to me journaling….
I was journaling and reading that devotion and God made me aware that even my wildest dreams aren’t “wild” compared to what he has in mind for me. While I can only see the vision through my human capacity, God sees what’s in store on a spiritual level beyond what I could even imagine. So after reading that devotional he has been challenging me. I believe he’s challenging me to trust him in ways I havent’t before. He’s been showing me things I asked for yearsssss ago and showing me that I have everything I need in my hands to make the first move. And just in case if I thought I was imagining things, I’ve been getting confirmation all around me through unexpected avenues.
So yes, there will be things God will show you that are beyond you and that’s okay. But he isn’t showing it to you as a tease. He’s showing it to you to let you know it’s closer within reach than you might think. Will it be easy? Probably not. Will it be scary, most definitely. But most times God takes us out of our comfort zones to bless us anyways.
So if you’re ever like me thinking that you’re doing too much and it all just feels beyond you; pause and take a moment to have a conversation with God. Is it that this thing really isn’t for you, or could it be that God is trying to stretch you and show you the very thing you’ve been asking for all these years? Think about it.